SRI SRI PREMA-VIVARTA: CHAPTER FIVE
Transformations of Ecstasy in Service
yata–The vaichitya-gata–pangs premera–of love [and the] yata vivarta–transformations premera–of love nirantara–constantly nache–dance mora mane–within my heart. ami–I kalaha kari–quarrel gaurera sane–with Gaura dine dine–every day. mora–My nama–name [is] "kundale jagai"–"Angry Jagai". 
The pangs and transformations of love constantly dance within my heart. I quarrel with Gaura every day, and thus I am known as "Angry Jagai".
gelama–I went dekhibare–to see vraja–Vraja. rahi–I stayed sanatanera ghare–at Sanatan's place. kalaha karinu–I quarrelled tara sane–with him. [When] bandhi'–he tied sannyasira–a sannyasi's rakta-vastra–red cloth sire–on [his] head [and] dhira–calmly aila–came [before me,] mane kainu–I decided marite–to beat [him] bhatera handi–with a rice pot. 
I went to see Vraja, and while staying at Sanatan's place, I quarrelled with him. When he tied a sannyasi's red cloth on his head and calmly came before me, I decided to beat him with a rice pot.
dekhe–I saw sanatanera–Sanatan's vinaya–humility, chhadi'–left tare–him eka pake–alone, [and] lajjaya–shamefully basinu–sat eka dhare–to one side. mora–My gaura–Gaura jane–knows yata–everything. pathaya–He sent amaya–me vrndavane–to Vrindavan [and] dekhe–observed maja–the result nije thaki'–while Himself remaining dure–at a distance. 
When I saw Sanatan's humility, I left him alone and shamefully sat to one side. My Gaura knows everything: He sent me to Vrindavan and observed the result from afar.
bhala–Good! tara sukha ha-uka–Let Him be happy, [and] mora chira duhkha ha-uka–let me be sad forever. mora sukha habe–I will be happy tara sukhe–with His happiness. ratra-dine–Night and day ami–I kandi–cry, bhavi'–feeling gaura-vichchheda–separation from Gaura mane–at heart, [but] gaura–Gaura hase–laughs dekhi'–seeing [my] kanda–crying mukha–face. 
Good! He can be happy, and I can be sad forever. His happiness will be my happiness. Night and day I cry, feeling separation from Gaura, but Gaura laughs seeing my crying face.
sei ta'–He [is] kapata-nyasi–a deceitful sannyasi, [but] bhalavasi–I love tara–His lila–Pastimes. tara–His kathaguli–words [are] madhu-makha–full of nectar. ebe–Now bheve–The Lord is feeling punah–again ye bhava sei bhava–the same mood [He felt] vrajete–in Vraja. bujheo–Although I understand [this,] ara bara–sometimes bujhi na–I do not understand [it]. 
He is a deceitful sannyasi, but I love His Pastimes. His words are full of nectar. The Lord is now feeling the same mood that He felt in Vraja. Although I understand this, sometimes I do not.
ani'–I brought chandanadi–sandalwood taila–oil [for Him, but] suni'–after hearing [His] banka banka katha–stubborn remarks, bhangilama–I broke taila-bhanda–the pot of oil bale–forcibly. mana kari'–Angrily, suna rainu–I lay nijasane–on my bed anasane–fasting. bhangila–He pacified [my] se mana–anger nana chhale–with various pleas. 
I brought some sandalwood oil for Him, but after hearing His stubborn remarks, I smashed the pot of oil. Angrily, I lay on my bed fasting, but He pacified my anger with various pleas.
karaya–He had amare–me paka–cook anna-vyanjana–rice, vegetables, [and] abona–wild saka–spinach. bale–He said, "[Your] "krodhera paka–angry cooking [is] bada–very mista"–sweet." badaya–He increased amara–my rosa–anger [and] tate–so tara santosa–He [was] pleased. tara–His prasannata–satisfaction [is] mora–my ista–desire. 
He had me cook rice, vegetables, and wild spinach. He said, "Your angry cooking is very sweet." He increased my anger and so was pleased. His satisfaction is my desire.
sanatana–Sanatan jijnasila–asked [me for advice, and] kainu–I told [him] yaite–to go vrndavana–to Vrindavan. more boka kari' rakhe–The Lord deemed me a fool tate–for this. dekhi'–Seeing tara–His balya–childish buddhi–mentality, chitte chamatkara haya–I was amazed at heart, [and] ami–I dhari'–grasped tara–His pada-padma–lotus feet. 
Once, Sanatan asked me for advice, and I told him to go to Vrindavan. The Lord deemed me a fool for this. Seeing His childish mentality, I was amazed at heart, and I grasped His lotus feet.
chai–I wanted yaite–to go vrndavana–to Vrindavan, [but] pai nahi–I did not receive ajna–permission tate–to do so. kare–He gave mora sane–me nana–various chhala–excuses. yakhana–When kondala haya–we quarrelled, [however] kaya–He told [me] yete–to go navadvipe–to Nabadwip, [and] mane jani–I accepted sei–that [as] tara–His krpa–mercy. 
I wanted to go to Vrindavan, but I did not receive His permission: He gave me various excuses. When we quarrelled, however, He told me to go to Nabadwip, and I accepted that as His mercy.
chhadiya–He left nija-dhama–His home, [and] matr-ajna chhala kari'–using the pretext of His mother's order, achhena–He is ekhana–now vaikunthapuri–in Jagannath Puri. pathaya–He sends tate yahake–those whom se–He krpa kare–blesses nija-pure–to His abode, [where they] yena gopera goloka-darsana–can see Goloka as the cowherd men did. 
He left His home, and on the pretext of His mother's order, He is now in Jagannath Puri. He sends those whom He blesses to His abode, where they can behold Goloka as the cowherd men did.*
ei bhave–In this way, ami–I gaura-seva kari–serve Gaura ratra-diva–night and day. ei ta'–This [is] svabhava–the nature gaura-ganera–of Gaura's associates. gaura-gadadhara-pada–The feet of Gaura and Gadadhar [are] amara ta'–my sampada–wealth. damodara–Svarup Damodar jnane–understands ei–this bhava–mood. 
In this way, I serve Gaura night and day. This is the nature of Gaura's associates. The feet of Gaura and Gadadhar are my wealth. Svarup Damodar understands this mood.
*Srimad Bhagavatam (10.28) describes that Nanda Maharaj was once captured by the attendants of Varuna while bathing in the River Yamuna. After Krishna rescued Nanda Maharaj from Varuna's abode, Nanda Maharaj described both Varuna's majesty and Varuna's reverence for Krishna to the cowherd men, who under the cover of yogamaya were amazed that Krishna was the Supreme Lord. They then wondered whether Krishna would ever show them His abode in the spiritual world. Knowing that the cowherd men were unaware of their own supreme fortune of already being in the expansion of His personal abode on earth, Gokula, Krishna fulfilled their desire. He briefly removed them from Gokula, showed them that Goloka, His abode in the spiritual world, is above both Brahmaloka and Vaikuntha, and then revealed Himself in Goloka being worshipped by the personified Vedas. As the cowherd men rejoiced in astonishment, Krishna effortlessly returned them to Gokula.
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