A Lesson on Surrender:
By His Divine Grace
...Yesterday I spoke about surrender. To surrender is a problem: you know that devotion comes from devotion.
Even Srila Sanatan Goswami's mind was a little disturbed. He came to Puri and wanted to commit suicide. Even Sanatan Goswami wanted to commit suicide! Do you know about that? You have to learn something from them.
Sanatan Goswami wanted to commit suicide, but Mahaprabhu said to him, "Have you gone mad? What has happened?
দীক্ষাকালে ভক্ত করে আত্মসমর্পণ ।
diksa-kale bhakta kare atma-samarpana
At the time of initiation, when a devotee fully surrenders unto the service of the Lord, Krishna accepts them as His very own.
Sri Chaitanya-charitamrita, Antya-lila, 4.192
"You have come to Me and already surrendered to Me, so you have given everything to Me. How can you even think now that you want to spoil your body?
Sometimes we follow our mind, we think we will do this, we will do that—our mind is always telling us something.
Sometimes Gurudev also would say: "You have already packed your luggage and, ready to leave, you come to me, 'Oh, Gurudev, I want to go to this place. Can you give me permission?' But you have already decided everything and packed your things! If I say no, then you will be angry, maybe you will not follow me, or maybe you will leave without my permission. Then it is better if I say, 'OK, you can go there.'"
Another time, Gurudev did not want to let a devotee go to some place, but that devotee again came with all his luggage and asked, "Gurudev, can you give me permission? I want to go to this place..." And Gurudev saw that he had already packed everything, then he thought, "How is it possible?" and said, "OK, you can go, but come back quickly."
Actually, Sanatan Goswami said to Mahaprabhu, "Prabhu, my body is useless. This skin disease came, and so many things have happened to my body. This body cannot be used for the service to the Lord, the Vaishnavs, then what is this body for? It is useless! That's why I want to commit suicide."
"Do you have no shame? Aren't you ashamed?! You have already given this body to Me, then how can you want to spoil My property? This is My property! This is not your property."
What are you thinking about? "We will go this way, we will go this way, we will do this." Do not ask anything, "Gurudev, I want to do this, I want to do that"—what Gurudev tells you to do, you have to follow that. That is what is necessary.
So, Mahaprabhu said,
"This body is not your body—it is My property. It is My property, and I will use it; and you are going to spoil My property—what is this?!"
It is like you give some money to me, "Gurudev, I am giving you some pranami," and I tell you, "OK, keep it. When I need it, I will take it later from you." You keep it, but it is not your property.
Mahaprabhu continued, "I will use this property for some other purpose. I have some purpose—some Vaishnav seva, preaching, writing scriptures, etc.—I will use it for all this. You cannot spoil this body."
Mahaprabhu even told Haridas Thakur, "Be careful and look after that boy—he cannot take care of himself, he can do something wrong..." In this way, Krishna, the Lord, is using our body, ourselves, even when we are doing so many wrong things.
We can do something sinful without knowing it, but Krishna said, "The fault will be removed through service." Sometimes we are doing some service and we do something wrong, make some mistake, but Krishna said, "He is My devotee, so if he does something wrong, I will remove his fault, it is not necessary to make prayaschitta, atonement."
This is what Mahaprabhu said. It is loving search for the lost servant: we are searching for the Lord, and Krishna is also searching for us, to take us to our own place...
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