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(3/5) Sticking with Pure Life His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
[His Divine Grace finishes reading from Guidance, Volume 4.] Srila Janardan Maharaj: Maharaj, your English has gotten very good. [His Divine Grace chuckles.] My books are translated by someone, and their English is very nice. Srila Janardan Maharaj: No, I mean you are speaking more English, so your English is getting much better. [His Divine Grace laughs.] Yes... All right, are there any questions today? Did you understand what I was reading? I know I speak very quickly. When I was a teacher, I would write on a blackboard to teach mathematics, and when I finished writing calculations on the whole blackboard and wanted to clean it to continue writing, all of my students would cry, 'No! No! Sir, please do not clean it. We have written only two lines!' Only two lines! [His Divine Grace laughs.] So, I write very fast, too. Now, old age is slowly catching up with me. Before, I used to write a lot, but if I write four–six pages now, it is very difficult for me because my hand starts paining. Before, I could write fifty–sixty pages without any problem... Actually, 'vardhakye ekhana upaya-vihina (বার্দ্ধক্যে এখন উপায় বিহীন)': when we become old, there is no way for us, there is no hope for us... We joined Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math coming under Gurudev's guidance at middle age, but if some small boys join from the beginning of their lives, from their childhood, they are more fortunate. But sometimes I am very sad when they cannot continue their spiritual life properly, when they stop their spiritual life midway: they go to karmi life and suffer. When I see that some saffron-clad brahmachari has left his saffron and, taking white cloth, has gone to family life and cannot continue his service properly, it breaks my heart. They cannot understand what is a pure life. Young boys dream about so many things in this world: they want a good house, they want to wear fancy clothes, they want to have a fancy wife. But after that, when they become old, they will also lament like me, 'Vardhakye ekhana upaya-vihina (বার্দ্ধক্যে এখন উপায় বিহীন). I have no escape, I am becoming old. What can I do now?'
নরোত্তমদাস কয়, না ঠেলিহ রাঙ্গা পায়,
narottama-dasa kaya na theliha ranga paya 'Narottam Das is saying, "Please do not push me away from Your reddish feet. Who do I have except for You?"' 'O Lord! O Nityananda Prabhu! You are my only hope! O gurudev, you are only my hope! I am a very big sinner, I am a very fallen soul, and I have no quality or qualification, but you are my only hope!' We have so many faults, we have so many bad elements within us, but our only hope is that our gurudev can remove all kinds of obstacles from our hearts. If we can proper surrender to our guru, then this is our only hope. On the appearance day of Baladev, we can only pray to gurudev like this.
আমার জীবন, সদা পাপে রত,
amara jivana, sada pape rata, 'My life is always engrossed in sin. There is not a trace of piety in it. I have been giving others so much anxiety and pain.'
নিজ সুখ লাগি', পাপে নাহি ডরি',
nija sukha lagi', pape nahi dari', 'I am not afraid to engage in sinful activities for the sake of my own happiness. I am merciless and selfish.' For our own happiness, we are not afraid to do sinful things. We are kindless (daya-hina) and always selfish (svartha-para). These are Srila Bhaktivinod Thakur's words. We always think about ourselves, and we do not think about our gurudev, we do not think about our guru-varga, we do not think about the Lord. This is our bad fortune. That is why it is very rare to find a soul who can understand these pure things, this love and affection. Who can understand it? A pure guru gives love and affection, gives shelter, and even if the disciple does something wrong, gurudev still accepts their service. I have told you just now that when a baby passes urine on its mother's lap, the mother does not say anything – she cleans it and tolerates everything. The guru is also like that. The guru tolerates everything, and those who have a pure heart can easily understand it...
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