His Divine Grace Om Vishnupad
Srila Bhakti Nirmal Acharya Maharaj
25 June 2015
[His Divine Grace is reading from Sri Chaitanya-charitamrita, Madhya-lila,
One time, Sanatan Goswami wanted to commit suicide. Thinking, "Mahaprabhu
told me to come to Puri, so I am coming," he came to Puri and stayed in the
house of Haridas Thakur—he stayed there because Haridas Thakur is very
humble, and Sanatan Goswami is also humble, he was afraid to go to
Mahaprabhu, thinking, "I am the lowest person. I have no quality to meet with
Mahaprabhu." Also, he did not want to go because he had so much skin
disease—he had walked all the way from Vrindavan bare-feet and his
whole body, all his legs had some skin disease. So, he thought, "I will
commit suicide! When the chariot will be going down the street, I will fall
down under it."
When Mahaprabhu came to see him, He wanted to embrace Sanatan Goswami, but
Sanatan Goswami backed off, "Prabhu, please, please, please! Prabhu, do not
touch me, do not touch me!" Still, Mahaprabhu forcefully embraced him and
said, "I told you before I am touching you for My own purification!" When
Mahaprabhu embraced him, all his skin disease was removed.
Then Sanatan Goswami said,
"Prabhu, I came here to commit suicide..."
"What?! Do you have no shame? Do you want to kill yourself—want to
finish yourself, want to leave your body?! This body is not your property!
This body is My property. When you surrendered to Me—when you took
initiation from Me—you gave everything to Me. Why do you want now to
commit suicide—why do you want to destroy My property?! You have no
right to do it! I will use this property of Mine for many things."
"Start Krishna's service in Vrindavan, preach the proper Vaishnav behaviour,
write books about devotion." 
"You will start the service to Krishna in Vrindavan and preach to others what
the Vaishnav etiquette is, what the Vaishnav's rules and regulations are.
This is your duty—I am giving you this service.
"You cannot destroy your body! You cannot destroy it because this body is not
your body—it is My body and I will use that for service of the
yukta-vairagya-sthiti saba sikhaila
suska-vairagya-jnana saba nisedhila
"He then taught Sanatan Goswami everything about the proper renunciation and
forbade Him any dry renunciation." 
Mahaprabhu told, "You must reject dry vairagya—false
renunciation, or deceitful devotion. You must reject all this."
tabe sanatana saba siddhanta puchila
bhagavata-siddhanta gudha sakali kahila
"Then Sanatan asked all kinds of questions about the siddhanta (scriptural
conclusions), and Mahaprabhu told him all the confidential truths of Srimad
Sanatan Goswami asked Mahaprabhu so many important things, so many sacred
hari-vamse kahiyache goloke nitya-sthiti
indra asi' karila yabe sri-krsnere stuti
mausala-lila, ara krsna-antardhana
kesavatara, ara yata viruddha vyakhyana
mahisi-harana adi, saba—mayamaya
vyakhya sikhaila yaiche susiddhanta haya
"It is said in Hari-vamsa that when Indra came to the eternal abode of
Goloka, he offered his prayers to Lord Krishna. There are Pastimes of Lord
Krishna that some consider material and that may seem to speak against
Krishna, for example how Krishna destroyed the Yadu dynasty, how He
disappeared, how He appeared from a hair, how the queens were kidnapped, and
so on. Mahaprabhu explained the proper meaning of all such Pastimes."
tabe sanatana prabhura charane dhariya
nivedana kare dante trna-guchchha lana
"Then Sanatan clasped the Lord's feet and, taking a bunch of straw in his
teeth, prayed to Him." 
"nicha-jati, nicha-sevi, muni—supamara
siddhanta sikhaila,—yei brahmara agochara
tumi ye kahila, ei siddhantamrta-sindhu
mora mana chhunite nare ihara eka-bindu
"'I am from the lowest class, a servant of the lowest class of people, a
sinful person, but You have taught me these truths that even Brahma cannot
conceive of. What You have told me is an ocean of nectarean truths, but my
mind cannot touch even a drop of it.'" [114-115]
Sanatan Goswami says very humbly, "I am from a very low cast, I am very small
and do so many things wrong and do very bad things, but You are so
merciful—You have given me so many important things that even Brahma
does not know about. You have told me about so many things, it is like an
ocean of nectar, but my mind is very naughty—I cannot even enter
pangu nachaite yadi haya tomara mana
vara deha' mora mathe dhariya charana
"If You want a lame man to dance, please give me then a boon—keep Your
lotus feet on my head." 
"I am lame, I have no legs, but You are making an arrangement for me to
dance—You want to tell me, 'Dance!' You please give some mercy to me."
What mercy is that? "I am putting my head at Your feet and You please put
Your feet on it..."
'muni ye sikhalun tore sphuruka sakala'
ei tomara vara haite habe mora bala“
"Please say, 'May everything I taught you be revealed to you'—Your
blessing will give me strength." 
tabe mahaprabhu tanra sire dhari' kare
vara dila—'ei saba sphuruka tomare'
Then Mahaprabhu put His hand on Sanatan's head and blessed him, "It will all
be revealed to you." 
vistari' kahana na yaya prabhura prasada
I have described briefly the conversation about the ultimate purpose of life
(prayojana), the divine love (prema). It is not possible to give an extensive
description of the mercy of the Lord. 
prabhura upadesamrta sune yei jana
achirat milaye tanre krsna-prema-dhana
Anyone who hears the nectar of the Lord's guidance, will quickly reach the
wealth of divine love to Krishna. 
sri-rupa-raghunatha-pade yara asa
chaitanya-charitamrta kahe krsnadasa
Always desiring the lotus feet of Sri Rupa and Raghunath, Krishna Das is
narrating this Chaitanya-charitamrita. 
'Many years ago Vrindavan was all forest, a jungle, so Sanatan Goswami would
every day go begging to Mathura. Once, he went to a house where there lived a
husband and a wife who had been married for twelve-fourteen years but did not
have any children...'